Fencing is the word describing the erection of a fence on our property, no foiling (pun intended)! Marion has been busy adding a nice white fence to the front portion of our yard, which matches the rest of the fence at both sides and the back. Her brother-in-law from Prince George helped pound some posts into the ground, but Marion cut the boards, put them up and painted them as she went along. The fence has just been finished. A main gate was required, and I offered to use my renowned carpentry skills to build the gate.
Step one was to measure the proposed size of the “structure.” I did that, and as it was a complex “structure,” I slept on it for a couple of days to let an idea form in my mind. I gave a brief outline of the project to Marion, as I didn’t want to confuse her with too much detail, but I did request the procurement of some angle iron and lag bolts.
I waited patiently until Marion was engrossed in what she was doing and not paying attention to me and then quietly got the extension cord, some two-by-fours and the power saw; measured the lengths that I required, cut the boards to the required sizes and then measured again, just to be sure. I know, I know I should have measured twice before cutting. A minor detail that I forgot. Just to be safe, I had made sure that I had a few millimetres of leeway in case I had screwed up on the measurement. But alas, not this time! I screwed the four pieces of board together using the angle irons and lag bolts, hauled the frame over and let Marion check out the size by holding it in place. It fit perfectly!
The first thought that struck me was how in the world I had managed that. Based on the experience gleaned from previous carpentry projects undertaken by yours truly, I should have made at least three corrections if not more, but no! It fit! Wonders never cease!
Sven was walking along on the sidewalk when he came upon a beautiful wooden fence painted white. He followed the fence to the corner, and there was a nice Scandinavian restaurant and bar. Sven went into the bar and ordered a shot of akevitt and a mug of lager as a chaser. Since there was no one else in the bar, he introduced himself to Per the bartender, and told him that he had just finished his job at the docks and was on his way home. Per asked Sven, “Did you see the nice beautiful white fence?”
“I sure did,” answered Sven.
“I built it with my own two hands!” said Per, “but nobody says, ‘there goes Per the fence builder.’ See this bar? It is made of the finest oak! I made it all by myself! But nobody says, ‘there goes Per the bar builder!’ I also built the restaurant and the building housing both the bar and the restaurant! But nobody says, ‘there goes Per the restaurant builder!’”
Sven just looked at Per, but didn’t say a word. “Did you enjoy that lager?” asked Per. “I drew it with just the right amount of head, but no, nobody says, ‘there goes Per the great bartender!’ But fart in church once…”
A couple of days later Sven is seated at the end of the bar. A very sad-looking fellow was sitting at the middle of the bar with a drink in front of him, but he was only looking at it and not drinking it. He seemed consumed with sad thoughts. A big, burly dock worker that Sven knew as Hans walked into the bar, sat down next to the sad little fellow, looked him over, grabbed his drink and swallowed it. The sad little fellow started to cry. “Hey, hey,” said Hans, “I was just having some fun with you! No need to cry! I’ll buy you another drink.”
“It’s not just that,” said the sad little man, “this has been the absolute worst day of my life!” He wiped some tears from his face and continued, “When I got up early this morning I found a note from my wife saying that she had left me, because she had fallen in love with my best friend!”
“You’ll get over it, have a drink on me!” said Hans.
“It gets worse,” said the sad little man. “Then my son called me from jail saying he had been arrested and charged with murder. He asked me to hire a lawyer and post the quarter of a million-dollar bail, which I cannot afford because the bank is foreclosing on the mortgage! Then I found out that my daughter, who is pregnant, eloped with a dope dealer, and when I didn’t think that my day could get any worse, my boss called me into his office and I got fired from my job!”
“Wow,” said Hans and patted the sad little man on his back in an attempt to comfort him. “I decided that I have nothing to live for anymore,” said the sad little man, “so I poured a good amount of arsenic in my drink and was about to drink it when you came in, grabbed it and drank it!”
I was watching a video yesterday from the old days when the skyscrapers were being built using steel girders. It was riveting!
If the nomad people with reindeer herds living way up north in Norway are called lapplanders, would their leader be called a laptop?
